


Still Here

by Ruby_the_fangirl1221



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cheating, Cussing, Dreams, Feels, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memories, One Shot, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:04:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruby_the_fangirl1221/pseuds/Ruby_the_fangirl1221
Summary: (This entire One-shot is from Yuri Plisetsky's P.O.V)It's like he's still here with me even though I know he's gone.- - -Yuri Plisetsky's heart is shattered after he discovers a shocking fact about his now ex-boyfriend, Yuuri Katsuki. His mind is running wild between his dreams and his memories of him and his old lover.(Smut, Fluff, and Angst - Oh my!)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! This is my first work on here so let's see how it goes. So my goal with this was to see if I could work romantic smut and some fluff into angst and it definitely worked. There are no triggers but it is a very sad time for poor Yuri in this One-shot. Here is something important you should know that is key to reading the story:
> 
> Dreams/Memories = Italics  
> Present time = Normal text 
> 
> It should be obvious but just in case you didn't know! I hope you enjoy and want to see more from me! Give me some feedback by commenting! I would love to hear your opinions! 
> 
> Thanks,  
> Ruby_the_fangirl1221 <3

**Still Here**

(Yuri Plisetsky's P.O.V)

_I open my eyes as I hear shifting beside me, a small, inevitable smile creeps its way onto my face as I know who is climbing under the covers with me in the dark room. I turn around to see the face I knew all too well and I shift to lay on my side so I could keep my gaze on him. He laid facing me, so he could do the same as I watched his soft brown eyes search my features as he smiled lovingly at me. The moon illuminating the room through the window just enough so we could see one another and admire the others features. We laid in silence for a minute or two, just enjoying the presence of one another before his smile grew and he let his smooth voice escape his lips._

_"I'm not sure I'll ever get used to you smiling at me like this," he says with a slight chuckle that sent a shiver down my spine._

_"Yeah? Well I don't think I'll ever get used to sharing a bed with you, pork cutlet bowl," I smirk as I mention the name that used to be an insult. He smiles at me with another low chuckle and nods._

_"That too, Yurio," he hums as I feel his hand snake around my waist and pull me close to him. I instantly cuddle up to him and envelop myself in his warmth._

_"Don't call me that, it's not my name," I huffed against his neck as I nuzzle into the crook of it. I felt the vibration of his throat against my cheek as he chuckled again. I felt his hand move to stroke my hair as he held me against him. I inhaled the heavenly scent of the Japanese man that held me. A small smile resting on my face as I closed my eyes._

_"Have I ever told you that I adore your accent?" I could hear the smile in his voice as my face flushed red. I leaned away from him so I could look at his face, sending him a soft, embarrassed glare._

_"Why the hell is that?" I said sharply, nearly spitting my answer despite my heated cheeks.  
_

_"Because, with your voice and accent, you sound so mean and angry all the time; but in reality your appearance just makes you cute," he grins as he pinches the bridge of my nose and shakes my head. I swat his hand away and grip his wrist as I glare at him and narrow my gaze._

_"Don't fucking call me cute," I growl as I search his chocolate gaze, though all I can seem to find is amusement within them. With our faces inches away from each other and his wrist at my will I push myself forward and slam my lips into his. I feel his body jump against mine in surprise before his one free hand found its way against my lower back._

_I admit, this isn't how these kinds of situations usually go. Typically Yuuri is the one to make the first move, but that doesn't mean that I'm not capable of doing so. Believe me, I'm **more** than capable. _

_I shift so I'm straddling his hips, already able to feel his bulge slowly growing against my crotch as our kiss intensifies. I run my tongue across his bottom lip, running my hand down his chest as I use the other to still hold his wrist captive. He doesn't give me permission right away, which irked me wildly due to my impatient nature, especially when it came to sex. I bite down on his bottom lip a bit aggressively, though not enough to make it bleed. He gasps and let's out a strangled moan as I cease the opportunity to press my tongue into his mouth. His free hand slips down to my ass and gives it a good squeeze, making me groan into his mouth as I run my tongue over his. I explored every surface of his wet cavern with my tongue, not leaving anyplace untouched or untreated. His moans spilling into my mouth when I hit certain spots._

_I slipped my tongue back and bit his lip before pulling away slowly. I looked into his half-lidded, lust filled eyes before letting his lip go and smirking. Both our breathing patterns were messy and choppy, faces flushed as I pressed my forehead to his, nose to nose as we lock gazes. I could feel his bulge pressing against my own and I bite my lip as I moaned softly._

_"Y-Yuuri..." I barely managed to breathe as I look at him, a bit more desperate then I wanted to sound._

_"There you go again.. making me want you with that sexy accent of yours," he whispers as his eyes dart to the side, his face red from his own comment. I smirk and chuckle as I finally let his wrist go, his pale skin red from where I had gripped it. He let his hand roam to my face and move my bangs from my eyes as he looked into them. My skin tingles from his touch, it's like whenever he touched me my skin set on fire with passion. He searched my eyes as his face formed into a soft smile before he whispered tenderly._

_"I love you Viktor."_

_\- - -_

   I shoot up in bed, the covers flying off my chest as I gasped for air like I had been drowning. I grasp my shirt where my heart was, feeling it beating as if it was going to burst any second. Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead as I ran my hand through my hair, attempting to bring myself back to reality. I felt a wetness on my cheek and I wipe it away aggressively as I feel more tears welling up. 

   "No. Don't you dare fucking cry.." I hiss into the uninviting darkness of my room. I stand up out of bed and walk into my bathroom, flipping on the light as I look in the mirror and cringe at my own appearance. Dark circles shown harshly against my pale skin, my hair was disheveled and messy, my gaze empty and hateful and my cheeks tear stained from my recent.. episode.

   This had been going on for a week now, every night was the same. I would have a dream that was so real, it was like he was really here again. Like he was touching me, holding me.. loving me. It had been a week since I discovered that disgusting piglet cheating on me with Viktor. When Yuuri moved to St. Petersburg after the Grand Prix Final, he had to skate at our home rink. For some odd reason I had developed a crush on the Japanese skater since I started spending everyday around him. Then there was a specific week where Viktor had gotten sick and couldn't come to the rink. It was the off season as well, so anyone who wasn't a professional skater didn't bother coming either. So that left the pork cutlet bowl and I all alone.

\- - - 

    _I aimlessly skated around the rink, going in circles mindlessly as I executed a jump here or there. With Yakov on vacation due to it being the beginning of the off season, I had no one to yell at me to do otherwise. I slide across the ice on my skates, my hands behind my back as I glided along lazily, my hair in a ponytail flowing behind me softly. I picked up speed and dug the toe of my blade into the ice as I propelled myself into the air and preformed a triple axel, landing smoothly and then continuing my leisurely excuse for practice._

_"Wow, I don't think I have ever seen you so calm. It's almost weird to see you not yelling or kicking anything," I stopped in my tracks as I cut into the ice and whipped around. I huffed and narrowed my gaze at the raven haired male as rolled my eyes.  
_

_"I didn't have a reason to be, but now you're here," I scoffed as I gave him a sour look. I felt my cheeks heat up lightly as our gazes matched across the rink. Though I could simply blame it on the chilly temperature of the building, I knew what it really was. My stupid crush on the piglet was getting to me once again. Ever since Viktor had been MIA with a sickness, it had only been Yuuri and I utilizing the rink. Everyday he had beaten me here, today was the first day that I got here first. Ever since he moved to Russia I have had a.. change of heart towards him, you could say. For some reason I found myself liking him more than just a rival or friend. It was more annoying than anything at first, but now? I knew it was something that wasn't going to go away until I was turned down.  
_

_"Am I really that bad? You haven't really seemed to mind the last four days," he responds, snapping me back from my thoughts as I blow my bangs out of my face for a moment before skating over to where he was. I stop myself and lean on the barrier as I watch him sit down on a bench to put on his skates. I sigh with a bored expression as he prepares for the ice._

_"I suppose you aren't completely unbearable, piglet. It could be worse."  
_

_"I'll take that as a compliment," he mused as he looked up from tying his first skate. His soft brown eyes shining with a joyous gleam. I shrug and watch his fingers move skillfully as he finishes tying it._

_"Take it how you want, see how much I don't care either way," I say with a slight smirk as I hear him laugh a bit at my remark. My heart beat increasing at the smooth sound.  
_

_"You say that, but I know you do care somewhere deep down in that tiny, angry, Russian body of yours," he stands up as he finishes and walks to the barrier opening and onto the ice, taking the covers off of his blades and laying them on the barrier as he slides onto the frozen surface. Meanwhile I stand there flushed, trying to seem angry at his comment but knowing damn well how painfully true it was. So I respond the only way I could muster up.  
_

_"Fuck you, pork cutlet bowl," I hiss as I skate towards the other side of the rink, "Just stay out of my way!" I hear him laugh as he takes off his glasses and sets them with the blade covers before he takes off into the rink smoothly.  
_

_We skate in silence for a while, keeping to ourselves, only looking at each other and bothering to talk when one of us did a jump to comment on things we saw could be fixed or improved. I glanced over him a couple times, for some reason when I looked away I got the feeling he was staring at me. I tried to shake it off as I focused on skating. I heard him speed up before he ended up beside me, skating in sync with me.  
_

_"What the hell do you want?"  
_

_"To know why you always treat me so coldly." He stated simply. The statement took me a moment to process as shock filled my body and I hesitated all movement for a moment. The straightforwardness of the question threw me for a loop as I slowed my pace a bit. He shifted to skate in front of me, turning and skating backwards to look at me. I knew he could see that he had caught me off guard, though I did my best to act as if I wasn't phased at all.  
_

_"What right do you have to know my personal opinions, piglet?" I glared at him as the words dripped from my mouth, my tone like poison. Though he was immune to this act having seen it in action for far too long.  
_

_"Cut the crap, Yuri, tell me what I did to you that made you hate me so much." His tone had shifted onto its head. That wasn't a question, it was a demand. I felt a shiver go down my spine at the chilling emptiness of his gaze before I looked down, trying to muster up an answer.  
_

_"You didn't do anyt-"  
_

_"Then what makes you so resentful towards me?!" He yelled suddenly, making me jump slightly. At this point we had stopped skating, we stood center rink right across from each other as he scanned me up and down for any type of reaction. I don't know why he was suddenly so angry, but I did know that I hated seeing him like this. To make it even worse, I hated being the cause of it as well. I had no clue how to answer his question without telling him how I really felt about him, and fuck that. I wasn't ready to admit to him that I was in love with him.  
_

_"Are you just gonna stand there and stare at the ground or am I gonna get an answer?" He said, his voice softer as he skated a bit closer to me so we were only about a foot apart. My heart beating so fast in my chest I was surprised he couldn't hear it like some kind of song. "Tell me, Yuri, please. I want to know how I can fix whatever I did. You're saying I did nothing but I don't see how that makes sense.. I just don't think you are the type of person to treat someone like shit who doesn't deserve it." He rambled, his voice lowering to almost a whisper so only we could hear the words being exchanged between the two of us.  
_

_"I don't know how to answer the way you want me to.." I trail off as I feel my cheeks starting to heat up, regretting putting my hair into a ponytail so my usual curtain of blonde wasn't there to hide my reddening face.  
_

_"Answer truthfully. I don't wanna hear what you think I wanna hear, I want to hear the truth of what you have to say." He says taking a step closer to me. I look him up an down as he gets even closer.  
_

_"W-what are you doing piglet?! G-get away from me damnit!" I blurt out, though I don't try to move away.  
_

_"It's interesting to watch.." he says sort of to himself. I tilt my head in confusion.  
_

_"W-what the fuck are you on about?"  
_

_"It's interesting to watch your face become more red the closer I get to you." As he said this he steps so close we are chest to chest and my breath hitches at his sudden closeness. He smirks a bit as he lifts a hand and I flinch as he pokes my hot cheek. "Like a tomato," he chuckles. He shifts his hand against my face to cup my cheek as I notice him start to lean in closer to me.  
_

_"H-Hey.. what are you..doing?" I say a bit quietly as I don't try to fight anymore as he looks into my eyes, my heart melting from his sweet gaze.  
_

_"Just trust me.. let me try something that I have been curious about?" He asks as he ceases his movement for a moment to look at my face for a readable answer. My heart going wild and my cheeks on fire, I had developed a lump in my throat making it hard to talk. So I simply nod.  
_

_All it took was one nod of approval before his own face flushed and he leaned forward, softly pressing his lips to mine._

\- - -

   I shivered at the blissful memory of our first kiss on the ice, where our entire worlds flipped in less than a second and where our love took flight.

   I flipped the light off in the bathroom and went back into my room and crawled into bed. I pull the covers up and cocooned myself into them to battle the coldness of the room. If he was here.. I wouldn't be cold at all. He would hold me in his tight embrace and never let me go, I would wake up and he would still have his arms around me. Those where some of my favorite times with him in particular, those mornings where we would lay in bed and playfully pick on each other.

\- - -

_I groaned as I stirred in my sleep, knowing I was waking up but not really wanting to. I let my eyes blink open as my blurry vision settled and I gazed around the dim room. Thank goodness for room darkening blinds. I sighed at the peaceful silence and I smiled only a little. Only then did I realize that my bed seemed to be moving beneath me. My gaze fluttered down to the sleeping Japanese man beneath me. I blushed as I realized I had been using him as a body pillow of sorts. His face looked so peaceful, a small smile playing his partly opened, soft looking lips that I was very familiar with by now. I lifted my hand, running my thumb over his smooth skin as I let my eyes wander over his perfect features. My eyes shifted down until I raised my eyebrow at his exposed collarbones, he was shirtless. My cheeks became warm as I duly noted the absence of his shirt. I gasped quietly when I heard him groan softly and felt his arm lay over my lower back, pushing me down into him a bit. He let one eye lazily open before looking me over, then closing it and smiling softly._

_"Good Morning princess Yuri," he said playfully as he drew small circles on my lower back with his fingers. My smile dropped and I lifted my hand and lightly smacked his head in which he whined in response._

_"What was that for?" He blinked his eyes open, playful annoyance lacked his chocolate gaze._

_"I'm not a fucking princess. If either of us are, it's you." I scowled at him for calling me such a revolting name._

_"Says the one who wears glitter and pink on the ice when performing," he chuckles, his Morning voice making the sound more sexy than usual. I felt my body freeze for a moment before his comment sunk in and I huffed and smacked him again._

_"Dick-bag."_

_"Even so, I'm your dick-bag," he sang as he wrapped both his hands around my waist and leaned up, pressing his lips to mine softly._

_"You're breath is fucking awful," I retorted embarrassingly when he pulled away. He simply smirked as my pink cheeks and averted gaze gave away my shyness._

_"And yours isn't? Oh! Maybe it's because you're a princess!" He said, feigning excitement. I glared at him before tossing the covers off of us and climbing out of his grasp, going to crawl off the bed before I was yanked back by his arms wrapping around my waist._

_"You fucker! Get off of me!" I cursed as I struggled in his grip. He pulled me so my back was against his chest, laying us down on our sides and pulling the covers over us as he held me to him like glue._

_"Not a chance~! You should really know by know that your cussing doesn't bother me," he says a matter-of-factly before nuzzling into my shoulder lovingly At this I froze and my face heated up, I still wasn't used to this. He had only moved in four days ago though we've been together for a few months now. Sure we had slept in the same bed before, but for this to be how I was going to wake up the rest of my life? I can honestly say I have no issue with that, though I will never verbalize that to him._

_"You're such a dork, piglet."_

_"Yeah but I'm-"_

_"If you say it I'll shove my foot down your god damned throat."_

_"Oh, that's a bit kinky don't you think?" He whispers into my ear suddenly. At this my face ignites and I sit up quickly, taking the pillow my head was on and shoving it onto his face as he starts to laugh like a mad man. We hadn't done anything regarding to.. "it" yet. So for him to refer to it at all made me want to die of embarrassment. I had no clue when it would happen, but I just knew that when it did that the moment would be right and we would both be extremely happy._

_I sighed and pulled the pillow from his face, his laughing ceased as he looked at my flushed and annoyed face. He frowned as he sat up and pulled me into his chest, softly stroking my hair like he knew I liked it to be. He kissed my hair and then tilted my head so I would look up at him._

_"You know I'm sorry, I don't even have to say it," he smiles at me knowingly._

_"You don't need to apologize, I overreact all the time," I respond, looking to the side._

_"That may be true, but you wouldn't have a reason to overreact if it wasn't for me."_

_"Yeah, though I like how we can tease each other so casually.. it makes me feel comfortable with you." Did I just say that? Shit. One point to the piglet for making me spill my real feelings._

_"Yeah? Well I like it too," he says before kissing both of my cheeks then pulling back and looking into my eyes, "I love you, Yuri."_

_"I love you too."_

\- - -

   I feel a tear roll down my cheek, breaking me from my memory as the salty liquid runs over my lip. I squeeze my eyes tightly and shake my head lightly as I sit up once again restlessly.

   "Fuck this, I can't sleep even if I wanted to." I say to myself as I throw the covers off myself. I grab a sweatshirt as I throw my bedroom door open and walk into the dark hall. I pull it over my head, putting the hood down as I flip the light on in the kitchen. I walk to the fridge and grab the only thing that currently appealed to me in any way, shape, or form. Alcohol.

   How did a sixteen-year-old end up with an unopened bottle of Smirnoff in his fridge? His twenty-four-year-old lover left it behind when he was kicked out by his younger, now ex counterpart. I plop down at the breakfast bar and screw off the cap, breaking the seal as I throw the cap across the room. I don't even bother with a glass as I take a big swig of the clear liquid. It burned as it slid down my throat, but I could feel it coarse through my veins like a cure to my disease that I appropriately named "Heartbreak". I cough only once then wipe my lip as I set the bottle down, hopefully this would take my mind off things for a while. If I can't think at all then I can't think of him.

   As I take a couple more large, shot-sized swigs from the bottle I can feel my body temperature starting to rise, the sweatshirt I grabbed now being more of a bother than anything. I lift it over my head and toss it on the floor, running my hand through my hair and tossing it around before letting my arms fall on the table. When I look down and glance at them absentmindedly, my face goes pale as I notice something I had all but forgotten about.

   On the back of my right arm, starting at my wrist going to my elbow joint were two words that had been written in black sharpie, and were now harshly faded and barely noticeable, "Yuuri Katsuki's". My breath hitches as I let my gaze linger on the letters that made up his name, I quickly looked away and took another big gulp from the bottle before letting my head lay on the table. I knew why it was there, though I wish I didn't.

   Of course, a week ago when we were still together, we had a night with a lot of free time, so we decided to watch a movie. Well, we never finished the movie due to our intense want for one another, so we had sex instead. It just so happened that after the act, Yuuri wrote his name on my arm while whispering to me how much he loved me, saying all kinds of wonderful things about how we would never be apart. Ironically, the next day our fairytale ended the next day when I caught him and Viktor fucking the in ice rink showers after practice. Isn't that just romantic? Anyways, the sharpie wasn't completely gone yet, which now triggers another memory that hurt more than all the other combined.

   I pick up the bottle and start chugging despite the burn to try and stop the memory from rushing into my head and taking over, but my thoughts faded as I remembered the best, and now, worst memory of him and I that had happened only months ago. 

\- - -

_"Yuri.. I didn't get you a gift for your birthday." He says looking down as we sit in our living room. I tilt my head at him, confused but not really hurt.  
_

_"It's okay pork cutlet bowl, I hate gifts anyways." I say as I smile at him lightly, leaning forward and kissing his cheek, "don't feel too bad, you aren't allowed to be sad on my birthday or I'll kick your ass!"  
_

_"I mean I didn't buy you a gift silly, do you really think I wouldn't give you anything for your birthday?! Do you know me at all?! I mean, we've been together for almost a year!" He says with a laugh. I sat there, dazed and confused as to what he meant.  
_

_"So.. if you didn't buy anything then what are you giving to me?" I say as I blink at him, wondering if he had lost his mind temporarily._

_"Well.. if it's okay with you I thought I'd.. I thought we could.. umm.." he trailed off as his face went red and he twiddled his thumbs. I narrowed my gaze, curious as to what had him so nervous and shy like the Yuuri I first met._

_"Spit it out piglet!"  
_

_"I thought we could make love!"  
_

_The words hit me like a brick in the face as I felt my face became the color of a brick itself. I lose my breath for a moment and I become dizzy as thoughts and images fill my mind. I can't bring myself to speak as I stare forward, my gaze focused on him as my mind scrambles to put itself back in some kind of order.  
_

_"I know that.. sixteen is the age of consent so technically it isn't illegal.. but if you don't want to then it's fine I completely understand! I just thought I would bring it up thinking maybe that you would want to since we have been together so long and I love you so much. I can go out and buy you something if you don't want to and we can forget this ever happened! We can sweep it under the rug until you are ready for us to bring it back up! I just thought I'd let let you know that I was ready if you were ready and that I'm perfectly okay with whatever- mmph!"  
_

_I cut off his anxiety-fueled rant by kissing him deeply, it only took seconds for him to follow before I lean away and laugh a little as I press my forehead to his, both our faces bright red.  
_

_"You talk way too much, also, you always jump to conclusions before the other person can even tell you their answer," I say as I kiss him lightly again, his lips pressing back just as delicately.  
_

_"F-Fine.. so what's your-"  
_

_"Yes."  
_

_"Would you stop cutting me- wait.. what?!"  
_

_"You heard me! I-I said yes piglet!" I snap as he stares at me in awe. His lips stretch into a bright smile as he leans forward and kisses me again. I blush as I kiss back, not really knowing how to go about any of this, I plan to follow his lead._

_He leans away and before I can ask what he's doing he scoops me up into his arms as I gasp. I grasp onto his shirt as he easily carries me back to our bedroom, setting me on the bed then closing the door. He turns around after doing so and I can feel my face flush more red than it had ever been.  
_

_There was **Eros**. So much Eros it was almost overwhelming as he smirked at me subtly, slowly making his way back over to me while pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it aside. I felt myself shrinking in my spot as he stood right in front of me, looming over me as he tilted my chin up to look at him. He took off his glasses and set them on the beside table before lean down and ever so slowly taking his lips with mine. After a good minute he pulled away, my bottom lip in his mouth as he sucked on it lightly, earning a small groan from me. He let it go, and pushed me back onto the bed as he crawled over me, my face already on fire. The only thing I could think was that I was going to die. All the blood was going to go to my face and my head would explode and I would die.  
_

_"I'm going to take this slow for you. I want this to be special since it's your first time. I want you to know that you gave your virginity to someone who really loves you." He said sweetly, pressing his forehead to mine as he looked into my eyes. "If at any point you want to stop or you are uncomfortable, don't be afraid to tell me. I don't want you to do this if you aren't ready. I want this to happen because we both want it to, alright?" He smiles as he caresses my cheek with his thumb. For some reason, the urge to spit out an insult and tell him to get on with it didn't arise in me as I simply nod and smile softly. He seems to notice how serious I am and he leans in, kissing me deeply yet lovingly as his hands grip either side of my face.  
_

_Both his thumbs caressing my cheeks before they slide down in sync with one another, down my chest and stopping to squeeze my hips sensually. I let out a soft moan into the kiss, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth. He slides his tongue over mine as he explores every part of my wet cavern with vigorous passion. My hands find their way into his hair, gripping and pulling as his hands and tongue work in sync to get a good feel for me. I gasp softly as he pulls away from the kiss and moves his focus to my neck as he begins to nip and suck at certain spots, lingering on a few that made me moan more than others._

_As he sucked and licked my pale, sensitive spots his hands found their way up my shirt, pushing it up so my chest was exposed as his fingers pressed into my stomach while he gripped me. His heavy grip making me moan along with him still working on my neck. He kissed down my chest after softly kissing the spots he had lingered on. He pulled my shirt over my head, discarding it onto the floor. My veins were pumping as I breathed heavily, not knowing where to put my hands I kept them in his soft, black hair. My body wasn't fighting at all as I writhed in pleasure at whatever he did to me, being hypersensitive as my hormones started to kick in. My thoughts wrapped around what my own actions were before I gasped out his name in shock and pleasure._

_"Ah! Y-Yuuri!" I moaned as I felt his fingers start rubbing and pinching the sensitive buds on my chest. He smirked as I said his name and he chuckled, leaning up and whispering into my ear.  
_

_"You like that? Or this?" He says as he rolls them between his fingers, pulling lightly as I moan and arch my back just slightly. "Sensitive are we?"  
_

_"S-Shut up~" I moan as he continues his previous motion, driving me wild. He gives another chuckle into my ear, making me shiver as I groan in pleasure. I feel him move down my body as he slips his tongue over one of them, my mind too occupied to even comprehend which one as he sucked and nipped at the perky bud, pulling and pinching the other. I was in complete bliss as he worked me, my breath heavy and choppy as I struggled to hold back moans, biting my lip proved to do no good as his mere touch made me quiver in pleasure. When he was done with one nipple he moved to the other, repeating his actions and sending me spiraling back into more pleasure.  
_

_By the time he was done I could feel his bulge pressing against my own, both of us about to say 'fuck being slow' and start going at it like animals. But I had no clue what I was doing and Yuuri wasn't going to relent on the 'slow' policy. He stood up, his hard on obvious through his grey joggers as he pulled them down, leaving him in boxers. I marveled at his wonderful body, sure I had seen it plenty of times, but I had never truly had a moment like this to admire what I had the pleasure of calling mine. He bit his lip as he hooked his fingers into my own sweatpants, pulling them off in one graceful motion, leaving me down to my boxers as well. He straddled my hips as he pressed his fingers into my sides, a hungry look in his chocolate gaze.  
_

_"Yuri.." he half moaned as he looked me over, shifting on top me, rubbing against my bulge making me moan deeply.  
_

_"W-What..?" I say through gritted teeth, holding back moans.  
_

_"I never knew how much I needed you until now," he stated breathlessly, I could practically feel his erection throbbing through his voice. I bite my lip at his words, feeling my own issue pressing against the confines of my boxers. I gulp as I breathe heavily, looking up at him as he ghosts his fingers down my chest, making me squirm.  
_

_"T-Then quite playing around and take me," I moan as he shifts against my bulge again. His eyes go wide for a moment before he smirks and raises an eyebrow.  
_

_"What was that~?"  
_

_"Don't you fucking dare!"  
_

_"Hm? Then I guess you don't want it as bad as you seem like you do," he says moving his hips, making me buck my own and moan. Swallowing my embarrassment and pride for a moment I take a long breath.  
_

_"P-please Yuuri.. I need you."  
_

_"Oh~? For what?"  
_

_"Are you fucking serious- Ahh~!" I moan loudly as he reaches behind him and grasps the bulge in my boxers. My back arching as I breath heavily and my mind goes blank._  
_"Yuuri I need you to fuck me!"_

_"That's more like it," he chuckles before leaning down and softly kissing my lips, then standing up off of me. I catch my breath as I watch him walk over to his dresser, pulling out a bottle of lube from one of the drawers. My mind going nuts realizing that this was actually happening.  
_

_"Yuri, are you okay?" I heard a voice snap me out of my trance like state. I blinked up at the Japanese man and nodded as I bit my lip, noticing that Yuuri had removed the last of his clothes. His erection making the me gulp, wondering how much it would hurt as I blinked, a bit in shock at his size.  
_

_"I-I'm fine.. b-but.."  
_

_"I'm taking it slow so you will be in the least pain possible. I promise you I'll take good care of you." He smiles, leaning down to take my lips as his before pulling down my boxers and throwing them to the side. My own throbbing issue on display, he smirked and chuckled as he opened the bottle of lube, putting a quarter sized dot into his hand and rubbing it on his fingers before looking at me. He bit his lip as his hand guided my legs open, then ghosting over my entrance, making me freeze and suck in sharply.  
_

_He looked up at me, keeping my gaze connected with his as he teasingly traced the outside of my hole. I moaned, my breath hitching as I gasped for air in anticipation. My mind spiraled when I felt him press a finger into me slowly until he was knuckle deep. I let out a long, deep moan. I gripped the sheets as I felt him pull it out then press it back in. The pleasure was immense and drove me crazy as he continued, speeding up a little over time.  
_

_"Ahh.. Y-Yuuri!!" I pulled at the sheets when he added a second finger, pushing in and pulling out as he made a scissor motion to stretch me out a little. My erection throbbing and my moans growing louder I knew we were both getting anxious and antsy at the slow pace. My breath choppy and ragged I moan out, "Yuuri.. take me now. I need you right now. I can't wait any longer." I expected to get a spiel on how we needed to keep it slow.  
_

_"Nothing would make me happier," he said to my happiness and surprise. He removed his fingers, making me moan as he lubricated his length. He gripped my legs, bringing them over his shoulders, as he positioned himself at my entrance. Our eyes locked gazes as I held my breath, feeling his tip against me.  
_

_"I love you Yuuri Katsuki," I blurt as he smiles at me and prepares to press himself into me.  
_

_"I love you too Yuri Plisetsky," he says before pressing the tip into me. All I felt was pain at first. Immense pain with the tiniest bit of pleasure. I pulled at the sheets as he continued to press into me. I bit my lip to avoid crying out in pain, I thought I was going to bite through it.  
_

_"Y-You're so tight," he moaned as he finished pressing himself into me until he was right against me. He whispered sweet things that only I could hear as he kissed my legs sweetly. He reached down and began rubbing my exposed and sensitive tip with his thumb, making me moan, distracting me from the pain. After a bit of time it started to fade and I nodded at him.  
_

_"Y-you can move," I gripped the sheets as he pulled out a little before pressing back in. I moaned softly, feeling pain more than pleasure. As he continued the motion I started to only feel pleasure, moaning louder. "Y-Yuuri.. faster!" I moaned out before he guided my legs to wrap around his waist as he leaned forward, hovering over me as he started moving faster. I was in complete bliss as he thrusted in and out, by the way he was moaning I could sense he felt just as good. I reach up, tangling my hands in his raven black hair as one of his hands supported him, the other jerking my erection as he fucked me.  
_

_After he increased his speed I felt myself getting a lot closer as I breathed choppily, both of us moving to each other's rhythms as we synchronized in pure bliss with one another. I could feel my orgasm approaching as he sped up even more as I moaned his name subconsciously.  
_

_"Y-Yuri.. I can feel it getting c-close!"  
_

_"I-I can too! F-faster Katsuki!" I moaned so loud it was almost a scream as he began mercilessly pounding into me. The sound of skin on skin echoing though the room as our ragged breaths and moans joined the symphony of erotic sounds. After a couple of more thrusts I felt a sudden burst of extreme pleasure as the pressure in my stomach released, my vision practically going white as I let out a strangled moan and a string of Russian words that instinctively left my mouth. A few moments after I felt a warm sensation as he orgasmed into me, his seed filling me as we moaned together in complete bliss.  
_

_After we rode out our climates we both collapsed, he hovered over me for a moment before pulling out and rolling to the side. I moaned softly as I felt his liquid drip out of me when he pulled out. Both of us gasping for air as we looked at each other, smiles on both our faces.  
_

_"I hope... you enjoyed that... as much as.. I did," he said pulling me into his chest, I cuddled into him happily as I nodded.  
_

_"I... definitely... did."  
_

_"Happy Birthday... my love!"_

\- - -

   As the memory faded of our first time together my tears began to flow freely as I sobbed. My hands covering my face as my body shook in pain. I was shattered and couldn't be fixed. He broke me by getting closer than anyone and then ruining it all. I stood up from the table and walked back into my bed room, stumbling onto the mattress as the alcohol had kind of went to my head. I curled into a ball as I cried, the pain of missing him and remembering all our times together was becoming too much for me.

   At this point he was like a ghost, laying right by my side so perfect and clear, haunting me in my dreams. They seemed so real.. like he was still here next to me like nothing had ever happened. It's like my mind is feeling him slip away, so they bring him back to me, clinging to that hope that for just one more day I could be his. The truth is, despite what he did, I would die to be wherever he was at this moment. With him in my dreams, he's turned into some phantom of my pain. The dreams are so great, until I wake up, then he disappears into the shadows of my mind with the rest of the memories I hold near and dear to me. It's like he's always just slightly out of reach, and it's agony to know that I'll never be able to change that fact. I guess for now, all I can do is protect the memory I have of him, not letting him slip away from me just yet, not until I'm ready to let him go.

   I shiver as my thought process is broken by a cold wind breaking through my window. I pull up the covers and cocoon myself once again, sniffling as I close my eyes. I silently pray that I'll fall asleep so I can have a dream and maybe, just for a while, I can pretend he's still mine, and that's he's _still here_.


End file.
